Breakfast With The Leneves: Humble Pie

Date: Sunday, April 29th, 2007
Leave: 8:00AM
Return: 1:15PM
Distance: 72.3 miles
Average speed: 18.2 mph

I left home at 8AM on Sunday to meet Lon and Sally at their house in Durham by 9AM, thinking that an hour would be plenty of time to get the 15 miles from my house to theirs -- which it was not. I forgot to account for the fact that the first 10 miles of the journey are pretty much all uphill -- most significantly up the short but painfully steep hill from John's Landing up to Barbur Blvd. I rolled into their driveway at precisely 9:00, having taken a wrong turn at the very end. Happy to be ontime (it looked dicey there for a bit), but having used more legs and energy getting there than I would have liked, I scarfed half a Clif Bar filled up my water bottles and procured a couple scoops of Cytomax in preparation for a brutual few hours of chasing the ever-fit Leneves around the rural roads southwest of Portland.

We set off into a blistering pace almost immediately; I was feeling OK, but not liking pushing so hard just to keep up in the first 10 miles of the ride. Riding with Lon is like chasing a crossbow bolt. He gets into his aero bars and just hammers -- Sally glides along effortlessly on his rear wheel, and they both talk and laugh and make conversation with me while I am trying to hide the fact that my lungs are dragging along behind me. Despite my weiner status, the ride was great, nice rural roads with very little traffic and the day just got nicer and nicer as we rocketed along. There was one sketchy part along I-5, but it was only for about a half a mile to get across the Willamette.

We made our way through the mostly flat, sometimes rolling hills of the farmland, out past Champoeg park where there was some organized ride happening, and eventually all the way out to St. Paul, where we turned around. I should remark again at how nice of a morning it was (it offset the impending lump in my stomach due to knowing there was a bunch of climbing yet to come). Coming back from St. Paul, we went north into Newberg and made our way over to Bell hill. There was a bunch on construction going on, so we had to literally climb through a ditch to get where we were going, and as soon as we got back on the bikes Lon's rear wheel went flat, so we took a little breather and bar'd up for the impending climb.

This is where the bonk started. I was already about 50 miles in, and quickly running out of gas due to the accelerated pace of the day. I would estimate that I was running at 85-90% the entire time (as opposed to 60-65% that I usually do), which was quickly draining my energy reserves. So we started up Bell hill, and both Sally and Lon pulled away almost immediately. My legs were burning and I had run out of water, so I was trying to climb in the ol' slow and steady fashion, but I knew a full on bonk was on its way. Lon, the fit bastard, would ride down to me to make sure I wasn't passed out in the ditch, and then ride back up like it wasn't a hill at all. As much as I appreciate the gesture, it added to the misery. At the top of Bell, he graciously kicked down some of his water and we proceeded on.

Before the ride took place, Lon kept talking about the climbs in plural, so I knew there was more to come, but there was a little piece inside of me that hoped that wasn't true. There was a nice descent off the top of Bell and then a STEEP little 14-18% climb out, and then another steep drop down to Hwy 99. We crossed Hwy 99 and I had managed to recover a little bit, but my heart sank when we pulled off at an exit labelled, "Parrett Mountain". Balls.

Parrett Mountain was long as shit and actually a beautiful climb that I really would have enjoyed had I not been already bonking for the last 30 minutes. Lon came down to cheer me on multiple times, and even brought Sally down with him as I approached the top. While I know both Sally and Lon have been cycling for decades, it still put in perspective how much farther I have to go with this whole being a cyclist thing. It also had me cursing my steel frame, fat tires and fenders on my beloved Surly, since they both ride Titanium-framed Serottas.

The descent from the summit of Parrett Mountain was unfuckingbelievable, and totally worth the bitch of a climb to get to it -- hit 42mph and stayed there for a good long time. The only problem was that at the bottom I got a cramp and spent the rest of the way back to Lon and Sally's trying to fight off various cramps in my legs, and moving quite slow as a result; further solidifying my status as a weenie with the Leneve's. However, it was a great training ride, and while I was totally humbled by the athletic prowess of Lon and Sally, I was proud of myself for riding through a pretty serious bonk and getting some serious climbing in to boot.

Steepness

Date: Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
Leave: 4:45PM
Return: 6:35PM
Distance: 24.5 miles
Average speed: 15.2 mph

Today was one of those days where I just had some hill demons to excorsize. I bolted out of work around 4:45 and made my way up Broadway and out Terwilliger towards my as yet unconquered nemisis, the Marquam Hill up 14th street behind OHSU. Ben rode it once before and exclaimed its brutality to me, further instilling fear into my heart.

But I was on a mission, and I killed it.

Of course, by the time I got to Council Crest Dr., I was huffing like a madman and sweating like a pig, but I fucking did it. I totally felt like shouting at the top of my lungs, it was a pretty rad feeling, and definitely the steepest/longest climb I have done to date, save for the Mollala climb I did a while back, but I stopped in the middle, so that doesn't count.

The rest of the ride felt like child's play as I rocked over to the zoo, up to Skyline and down and back up to the Pittock Mansion. I love days like this.

On Any Sunday

Date: Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
Leave: 7:00AM
Return: Noon
Distance: 69.78 miles
Average speed: 15.4 mph

Drop-kicked my second kick ass ride out to Multnomah Falls with Captain Crafty yesterday. Gaht Damn that ride is awesome. Early on, it looked like we were on track to be dumped on all day like last time, but I only got hit by about 10 drops of rain all day. It stayed pretty cool all day, which was actually good because I was dressed for cold and rain.

We met up at the intersection of the I205 bike path and the Springwater trail about 7:15 and headed east towards the falls. The weather was a mix of ominous grey clouds and peering sunshine, and there's a stretch of the Springwater Trail east of I205 that absolutely teams with wildlife at that time of morning after a big rain. We saw upwards of 20 rabbits, tons of ducks and geese, feral cats and even a coyote -- it was very bucolic. We passed the time with conversation and a leisurely pace and made our way up 180th to Stark and had a nice descent down to the Sandy River at the base of the first climb of the day.

Justin crammed a couple of Shot Bloks in his face just as we were starting to ascend up towards Corbett, and learned the hard way that climbing with a mouthful of energy chews sucks balls. It's a nice climb up to Corbett, pretty easy, not too steep, but long. Once we got to the top, we got our first look out over the Gorge and it is always amazing. The sight is always envigorating, and it quickened our pace down to the Vista House where we took our first pause to soak in the view. The clouds we just high enough at this point that we could see all the way down the Gorge, and the morning mist gives it an ethereal asthetic that causes you to just stare at it endlessly. We sucked down some Gatorade and made the kick ass descent down towards the falls.

The ~8 miles from the Vista House to Multnomah Falls is awesome -- nice rolling hills and tons upon tons of waterfalls everywhere you look. The new asphalt is so smooth and nice, I stayed in my big chainring from the Vista House all the way to falls. Once we got to the Falls, we ate a bit, refilled our water bottles, and I had my requisite 2 shots of espresso, and we headed on. There is still a certain victorious feeling about rolling up on the Falls on bikes.

The way back up to the Vista House was nice -- I actually really enjoy that climb. It's not as bad as it seems going down, but it's long enough to really get your blood pumping. I was feeling really good and still had lots of legs, so I cranked up it at waited for Justin at the top. Turns out he slipped his chain on the way up (ugh) and was along shortly.

Just as we were pulling out of the Vista House parking lot, we saw a group of about 6 riders coming down. They turned out to be the first of about 50 riders that we saw coming up the whole time we were heading down. There is something kick ass about flying down a descent that you climbed earlier, and it's made even sweeter when there are people chugging up it while you are rocketting down.

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful, save for the fact that Justin did great and I am totally confident that Reach the Beach will be a breeze. We parted ways at Burnside and I205 and I hit the manual carwash on the way home to clean up the steed. I got home, showered and dusted a box of Annie's Mac and Cheese with a can of tuna mixed in and took a nap with Miles. Bad ass Sunday.

Tearing Up The Westside

Date: Sunday, April 15th, 2007
Leave: 6:30AM
Return: 10:40AM (about ~30 mins of stoppage at Ben's and for a flat repair)
Distance: 56.65 miles
Average speed: 15.7 mph

Finally hit a long-ish ride out West via Kruger with the world's newest Microserf, Ben "The Hamma" Hickman. It was a beautiful morning, although chilly at times, but it warmed up enough to de-sleeve and let vest guy roam free for a while. I felt pretty good all day, although Ben climbs fast even when he's not trying to, so there was plenty of wind suckage going on.

Kruger is a nice climb not too steep anywhere, but long enough to remind me that I still have a ways to go to be in Cycle Oregon with Lon shape. The descent down Mountain Home is unreal, and I hit 39.9 MPH on the way down.

A Word to the Wise...

Don't blow stop signs on a bike in Portland. I was an unwitting target in one of the Portland Police Bureau's cycling stings a couple weeks ago, and was presented with two options, ever-so-eloquently, by the monosyllabic thug writing me the citation:

1. Bend over and pay a fucking ridiculous fine of $242 USD, or
2. Bend over and attend the 2-hour, $30 USD Trauma Nurses Talk Tough "Share the Road" class with about 120 other lawless law-breakers and get my citation waived.

The choice is, of course, shitty but obvious.

I know I sound bitchy, especially since I fully admit to rolling through the stop sign within sight of officer Poncirello. Yes, I broke the law, and yes, I take resposibility, but still... using the PPB's precious fleet of motorcycle meatheads for a sting on bike commuters is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. More than half of the 120+ people at the Share the Road class were cyclists with similar less-than-minor infractions. I am a VERY safe rider, I wear bright yellow and have flashy lights and reflectors and all that shit, and I had it all on when I got the ticket.

Anyway, so I roll up to the class last night, nice and early to make sure I have all the paperwork and crap I need to get my ticket removed when this is all over with. It was held in NE Portland at the Legacy Emmanuel hospital, which is one of the two trauma centers in Portland. It was bitter cold, raining hard and windy as hell when I locked my bike up. The class was from 7-9, so it was only going to be colder, windier, rainier and darker on the ride home... Karma, I guessed.

As I signed in, got my "pre-test" and my 3" pencil and made my way into the auditorium, was surprised at how many other folks were as early as I was (I got there about 6:35), and also surprised to see that quite a few others had ridden bikes. Always nice to be in a room with a bunch of other cyclists, no matter what the circumstances. Of course, after the 45 seconds it took to fill out the pre-test, I was a little bummed at having to spend the next 20 mins staring at the ceiling. I KNEW I should have grabbed a book. The class filled up quickly, and they ended up having overflow in aisles by the time they got started around 10 minutes late. Listening to all the "what are you in for?" talk was mildly entertaining, however.

First up was the good old traffic judge whats-his-name, whose idea this whole thing was in the first place. He was a good speaker, and won me over pretty quickly with his status as a bike commuter. He showed some pictures he had taken of people breaking the law in cars, on foot and on bikes -- kinda funny to laugh at dumbass people, but not all that funny when you realize the room is full of people who are there for doing dumbass stuff exactly like what was in the pictures.

Next up was the trauma nurse and all the road burger pictures. Not very appetizing, but whatever. Yeah, we know that if you crash you can get fucked up. It's a pretty middle-school scare-tactic, but seeing brains is seeing brains. It is pretty surprising that a lot of people don't wear helmets still. Fakengers are funny... but I digress.

After the carnage slideshow, came the protracted maundering of very same copper who issued me the ticket. I think it was him anyway -- they all start to look a like after awhile, and I didn't really care enough to get my ticket out and see what his name was. Listening to/watching this guy talk, all puffed up and talking to everyone in the room like we were criminals, was totally fingernails on a chalkboard. It was, however, pretty amusing to watch him try to master the remedial PowerPoint presentation and fail miserably. Of course, anyone that's been a Portland Police officer for almost 20 years and is stuck handing out tickets to bike commuters is not exactly living the dream, so whatever.

Next up was the bikey Portland gal from the BTA; she was nice enough and had a cool hat, so I simmered down a little and resorted to counting the minutes until I could bust out of this increasingly balmy room full of criminal-minded biomass.

Overall, this class was totally a clusterfuck, but I think the intentions were good. It was a nice enough room with comfy chairs, with nice enough AV equipment, but between the squelching microphones, fucked up PowerPoint slides and movie clips, redundant information and poor time management -- it was certianly more of a punishment than an education. The best part was when a guy who was there for an automobile citation said, "you can't really get a ticket for rolling through a stop sign on a bike, can you?" and about 70 people shouted in near unison, "I did!" Way to go, Portland.

Hills, Baby

Date: Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
Leave: 4:45PM
Return: 6:45PM
Distance: 26.4 miles
Average speed: 14.4 mph

So I decided to bust a little after work hill session since band practice was postponed. I tried unsuccessfully to garner a partner for the ride so I went solo... It turned out to be a gorgeous afternoon, so by the time I was at the top of Mitchell St. on the way up to Council Crest, I had to shed my sleeves and unleash the beast that is Vest Guy.

I recently replaced my 11-23 cassette with a more climbing-friendly 12-27 and holy balls what a difference! My legs stayed fresh and I actually think I was able to climb faster than before. Kick ass.

Anyway, the ride up to the Zoo is awesome, and then over to the Pittock Mansion has some steep spots, but nothing terrible, and the view from said mansion is amazing, especially on a clear day. The following descent is a little on the fucking crazy side, but super fun. All in all a GREAT route.

The Cyclists

Around the Horn

Date: Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
Leave: 4:50PM
Return: 7:05PM
Distance: 38 miles
Average speed: 17.0 mph
Wind: Headwind most of the way

Justin and I had a nice, brisk run around the horn yesterday in the middle of some absolutely kick ass weather. Vest guy reared his goofball head as it was close to 70 degrees when we left his office (the usual 10 mins late, of course).

We made good time getting out Hwy 30, but were forced to wait on the shoulder for about 7-8 mins for a gap long enough to cross over to the ramp up to the St. John's bridge. While we were standing there waiting in the bike lane, a car piloted by some fucking drunk-ass nutjob came barreling up the bike lane towards us -- we both yelled, "Holy shit!" in unison and jumped up on the curb with our bikes and this fruitcake swerved back into traffic. We stood there, shocked for another couple minutes and then finally made our way up the ramp to the bridge.

I was treated a couple of times to Justin leaving his toe clips on and falling to the pavement. Good times.

Surprise, I am an Existentialist...

I am just completely floored to learn that my life is not ruled by Divine Command. You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life. “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” “It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” --Jean-Paul Sartre “It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.” --Blaise Pascal More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Existentialism 90% Utilitarianism 60% Justice (Fairness) 60% Kantianism 35% Nihilism 35% Hedonism 30% Strong Egoism 20% Apathy 5% Divine Command 0% What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

A Hundy, Bitches!

Date: Sunday, April 1st, 2007 (not a joke, asshole)
Leave: 7:45AM
Return: 3PM (minus watching Ben's race and stopping by my parents' house to say hi)
Distance: 102.66 miles
Average speed: 17.1 mph

Well, I got my first >= 100 mile ride in today. Hells yes. Ben was racing in the Piece of Cake road race and I decided to bail on Lon and Sally like a stooge at the last moment and drag my bike and ass up to Woodland, WA to watch him devour the Peleton of Cat 5 racers.

It was a LONG ride all by my lonesome, but super enjoyable, no rain, no flats and now I am HUNGRY. I will try to map out the route in a bit after some nourishment.

--Update--
Oh man, a steak and a beer and some salad and another beer and some cereal and some bread and a potato and some more salad and about six gallons of water and some trail mix after a ride like that KICKS ASS.